Uniqua Sees a Soul Reaper!
by Interfuge
Summary: Crack-madness! Kinda...I'm experimenting how the characters in Bleach deluded would react to the childish games of Pablo, Austin, Uniqua and that moose whose name begins with a "Ty". Maybe Tyson? Wait, no, Tyrone! And Tasha--who I dislike. BACKYARDIGINS
1. Introduction

**I don't own Bleach or the Backyardagins.**

________________________________________________________________________

**Prologue**

Kariya is lying on the ground.

He did not die.

He was not defeated.

His eye opens.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Vroom! Vroom! I'm a racecar driver!" A blue penguin is running around with his arms in front of him, swerving as if he were driving an automobile.

"Pablo!" whines an orange elk, "We already WERE racecar drivers!"

"Hmm…" Pablo put the tip of his wing to his mouth in thought, "I know! I'm a tax collector!"

"Hey everybody, what are you doing?" a uniquely nasal voice came from Uniqua.

"I'm a tax collector!" shouted the hyper penguin.

"Flax protector?"

"No, tax collector!"

"Shaq's molester?"

"No, not basketball abuse, woman! TAX COLLECTOR!"

"Oh…Wax of Hector? Why would you be wax? And who's Hector? Can I meet him?"

Everyone shouted at Uniqua, "TAX-KO-LECT-TER!"

"Oh! Tax collector? I thought those were extinct!"

Austin, sitting on the table, pitched in, "I thought they were a myth!"

"Shut up, Austin, no one likes you!" Tasha yelled

"And you people wonder why I'm shy!" Austin shot his head toward the animals in tears and ran away.

"Uniqua, you really need some hearing aids!"


	2. Ulquiorra's Lament

Uniqua sees a Soul Reaper!

Ulquiorra was sitting around, sad that he always look like an emo with green tears.

"I know! Since I'm trying to secretly take over the Soul Reapers with the aids of a Soul Reaper, maybe I should watch some Sesame Street while I'm at it!'

He went to the TV, and turned to channel twelve.

Sesame Street was always on Channel twelve. The Hollow started biting his pillow in anxiety.

So, then right after watching a segment of Grover helping the Cookie monster find his lucky skipping stone, The showed ended with the letter of the day, and the number of the day.

"Awesome! Today's featured number is seven! That's my FAVORITE NUMBER! OMG, The letter D is so cool! D is for dog! If I have a dog, its name will start with D! Like, um, Duke, or Darius!"

THIS IS SPARTA! Not, actually. This is a world where dolls can talk, and even heaven has strict government.

And so, the show ended. Now, Ulquiorra was sad because Tele-Tubbies came on.

"Aw. They're stupid. Tele-tubbies are for babies and autistic people. I know! I'll just go to my computer and search 'Elmo' on Youtube! Those videos won't be totally destructive, uncessacery, stupid, pointless, and destructive!"

And so the Hollow did as he pleased, even though it took long...(he had Windows 98).

And came crying afterwords.

"NO! NOT ELMO! DON'T BURN ELMO!" Now, he was screaming at his screen like Corey Taylor does into his mic, "NO! I'll FRICKEN KILL YOU, sexybackk717! I WILL KILL YOU!"

He was crying, and his tears overflowed the path that streaked his green face lines.

Suddenly, (as he liked to turn up the volume when Sesame ST. came on, and forgot to turn it down) the TV blared, "WITH Your friENDS, tHE backYARDagins..."

(The TV speakers had broken the other night while he threw his coffee at them when the Black woman on "Deal or No Deal" had settled for 500,000 dollars when her case was the million. He cried for three hours. Go easy on him.)

So, he went up to the Televison and started watching. It was half-way in the show when he commented.

"What the F**K is THIS crap?"

And he swore to defeat them.

Meanwhile...

"So," Tasha commented, next to Tyson.

"Um, nothing much."

"Hey, I said 'so', I didn't ask you what you were doing"

"No," Tyrone replied, "I was talking about your chest."


	3. XMen Origins: Wolvernia

Kariya new the Errors of his ways.

How he thought becoming an emo wasn't for himself, but to look cool whenever girls look at him

(he eventually stopped when Ulquiorra started copying)

How he trusted that mean old lady whose friends killed his people.

How he texted while driving.

But, there was one mistake he made after he woke up.

Don't watch X Men Origins: Wolverina.

(Spin off of original, only it is in soap drama mode, and he falls in love with the girl version of her [Lady Deathstrike] and then Deadpool allows robots to be put in his mind and even, while loving to be a smart-ass, allows his mouth to be sewed shut. The movie ends with Deadpool randomly shooting lazers out of his eyes, then slipping on Hugh Jack-off's used condom {on the floor} into a refrigorator in the kitchen because that's where they were fighting: on a corny 90's family sitcom "house" set{like the ones in those Nick-at-Night Shows})

Can someone spell "run-on sentence".

For instance: I can I like tacos and Kariya likes tacos did you know that kariya likes tacos wow I didn't.

Anyway, after watching this 5 star "movie of the year", Kariya started texting his best friend, Tyrone to fill in. It read:

"Yo boi. Wat sup fo'sho. Hy man, dnt go n wach dat wolf flick. It aint gt swag"

Tyrone's reply:

"Yo man, dos it gt scenes? Cz if it aint gt scenes, im nt wachin tht sht"

Kariya's Reply:

"No, dog. It jst ttlly bmbs dnt c it. it gt scenes, bt evn those r 2 senstve. Nthn hrdcor. Jst penis and boobs. They aint big. Lik yo gurl, Tashaz"

T-hunder'z Reply:

"k man, thnks. Ill go c it."

K-izzle'z Reply:

"ok. Hey man I bought my nephew tht Watchmen vid 4 his 6 bday. Ya hes al intrested n tht suprhero stuf. I thnk he rely liks it."

Reply:

"Kool, dog, Kool."

Reply:

"ok. Btw im shootin u 2nite. Slp wll"

And while Kariya was driving to perform the drive by, his txtng to Tyrone and stereo blaring out "I make it Rain" has lead him to run a red light with a cop on his trail. And Drive-by "equipment" filled up his car like water in a fishbowl...

….........................................................................................................

P.S. "I make it rain" is a heavy-fast rap song about ejaculation.


	4. Chapter 4

Why does Pablo **PWN**?

**Hint: **There is no one named Bleach in _Bleach_.


	5. The Answer to Chapter 4

**The Answer to Chapter 4:**

Because Pablo uses cleaning detergents

**..**


End file.
